1. to fall or cave in; crumble suddenly: The roof collapsed and buried the crowd.
2. to be made so that sections or parts can be folded up, as for convenient storage: This bridge table collapses.
3. to break down; come to nothing; fail: Despite all their efforts the peace talks collapsed.
4. to fall unconscious or as if unconscious or physically depleted, as from a stroke, heart attack, disease, or exhaustion.
I have been reading today the dozens of Facebook posts regarding 9/11/2001. It is interesting to read where people were when they found out. This morning, while waiting for my sleeping handsome to wake up, I watched a Lifetime TV special called "The 102 Minutes that changed America". It is a documentary of the entire event starting from the first plane hitting the tower all the way through to the collapsing of the second tower. The interesting part of this particular show is that it is a compilation of home videos, not the news coverage. I found myself wondering what and where all these "videographers" are today. What are they doing right now? Many of the footage is to the sound of their cries, weeping as they watched New York City's skyline change forever.
Meanwhile, 9/11/2001, 875 miles away from the twin towers, I sat with my family in the basement of our home watching everything unfold while my sick mom was upstairs being kept "in the dark" regarding the entire matter. She was in and out of awareness by that stage and we decided it was best to not alarm her with the tragedy of the attack. And while I was aware of its tragedy and of the loss it had left so many thousands of people, I realized this morning during the documentary that it never really had the chance to hit home with me.
You see, while the towers were collapsing in NY, my world was collapsing around me. Perspective is everything isn't it? For all of 2001 I saw the world through a very small looking glass entitled "cancer". The best way to describe it is to say that in 2001, watching it take place on the news was only slightly more real than watching a Hollywood blockbuster. Today watching it was as if it were happening right now in my own city. It was horrifying, tragic, unsettling and evil. Cruelty at its peak. Pain at its deepest. But had you asked me how I was doing during the majority of 2001, both before and after 9/11, I would use those same words to describe my world: horrifying, tragic, unsettling, evil, cruel and oh so very painful.
Don't get me wrong, I haven't been living the past decade with my head in the sand. I have watched countless 9/11 movies and documentaries. But it was only today, ten years later, that I recognized how I hadn't really experienced it's blow fully. You could probably compare it to childbirth with an epidural. The pressure and discomfort is there, but the drugs kill the extremity of the pain. I was emotionally numb, but cognitively aware.
Well, there is no point to this blog except to say that, as with everything else, where you are in life great affects how you view your present circumstance and the circumstances around you. Soon it will be time for my family to remember 9/29/2001 when our burning building collapsed for the final "boom" of a 13 month attack. I think I shall close with this:
The words of a Spanish worship song (translated)
It has been a long road
I can see I have come from there to here but I can't see how.
You have always been faithful
The road was long and hard
but it was worth every painful step
I see your hand
You have always been faithful
